


Our Lives Intersect, Like Roads In The Dark

by vexbatch



Category: The Haunting of Hill House (TV 2018)
Genre: Exploration of powers, Gen, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Light Angst, Protective Siblings, Slice of Life, concerned theo, sibling conversation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:27:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28103169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vexbatch/pseuds/vexbatch
Summary: Theo walked into her bi-monthly coffee date with Nell unprepared for the revelation to come.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 26
Collections: Yuletide 2020





	Our Lives Intersect, Like Roads In The Dark

**Author's Note:**

  * For [vendettadays](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vendettadays/gifts).



Theo stumbled into the cafe, the winter wind pushing her inside in a flurry of fabric until she shoved her scarf out of her face to see Nell at a table in the back, waving at her. A small smile crept out as she pushed past the couple hovering at the doorway, making her way towards her younger sister. 

It had been a few weeks since she’d seen Nell; not so unusual, but the last time was to force Luke back into rehab, so that didn’t really count towards their semi-regular coffee dates. They got together every couple of months or so, with or without Arthur, to catch up and remind Theo that she  _ did _ in fact have a life outside of her cases, to make sure both of them had some kind of familial contact that wasn’t full of stress and arguments. 

Still smiling, Theo threw her scarf and coat over the back of the chair before sitting, taking the steaming mug that Nell pushed her way. “I got your coffee for you, hope you don’t mind.”

“No, of course not; thank you.” She took a moment to inhale the steam from the cinnamon latte before looking back up at Nell. “So, how’re you? How’s Arthur?”

Nell grinned, leaning forward. “Well, you know we just got that new place last year? We’re thinking of re-doing the paint in the bedroom. We  _ just _ got done with the kitchen, and it needed it, but-” and she was off, talking about tile choices, and carpet versus hardwood, and how hard she and Arthur worked on the place, and how  _ happy _ they were.

It was a strange counterpoint to Shirley’s life, and though Theo was grateful to have been taken into their garage, Theo was constantly aware of the stiff acceptance of who she would bring home, or the fact that she still wore gloves every day, as though Shirley hadn’t been through all the same things she had. Nell didn’t give a shit about any of that, just jumping back into talking about the normal stuff, not even sparing a glance at Theo’s ever-present gloves. It was something she was indescribably grateful for, and she hid her smile behind a large sip from her mug.

Setting the mug back down, Theo refocused on Nell’s rambling as she mentioned something about the holidays. “You know, I thought it might be nice if we all got together. I mean, I know you’re working all the time, but you still get the holidays off, right?”

Nell reached for her mug as she asked, but before Theo had a chance to answer, Nell’s arm convulsed, twitching so badly that half her mug was spilled down her shirt. “Oh, shit, Nell, here-” Theo grabbed at the napkins, handing some to Nell before trying to sop up the mess on the table. 

“I’m just gonna-”

“Yeah, go, I’ve got this.” Theo waved Nell away towards the bathroom as she got the dripping mess under control, a barista hurrying over with a towel and a small trash bin. After a minute the table was handled, and after thanking the barista for their help, Theo was left to sit alone, scrolling idly through her phone as she waited for Nell.

It had been weird, nothing had bumped into Nell to cause the spill….was it‒no, it couldn’t have been. Shaking her head, Theo refocused on the phone in front of her. 

Eventually, Nell came back out smiling sheepishly. “I think the stain is mostly out?” She gestured to her shirt helplessly, but it was too wet to really be able to tell what was stain and what was just water. “I definitely need to stay until it’s dried more though. Arthur would never forgive me if I caught something from going out in the cold with my shirt like this.”

Theo nodded absently, taking a moment to focus on Nell in front of her. She looked the same, a little distracted, but normal enough. So what had happened? “Nell, did you‒ What made you spill your drink?”

“Oh.” Nell glanced down, and the lack of eye contact already had Theo on edge. “Um, Luke probably just had something happen….”

The last time Theo had seen either Nell or Luke react that strongly, Nell had broken her ankle when they were kids, and Luke couldn’t walk on it for about a week. “Do we need to go find Luke? Is everything okay?”

“No, he’s fine, it’s all fine.” Nell shifted again, fingers now tapping at the tabletop. “He’s just….” She heaved a deep sigh, which had Theo fighting the urge to throw something. Unfortunately, that wouldn’t speed anything up, so she just sat there as every muscle in her body tensed, anticipating the need to run to wherever godforsaken corner Luke had found now and drag him back out of it. “He’s just shooting up again.” Theo blinked, but Nell continued like she hadn’t said anything of consequence. “The jitters are already hitting, which means I should probably get some more water soon, and‒”

“Nell, doesn’t your power only work for the big important stuff? Like breaking  _ bones, _ or‒”

Nell waved a hand, cutting her off. “Yeah, it  _ used  _ to, but I‒ well. I’ve been practicing? Honing it, I guess. I just kind of assumed you did the same thing, since you’re using it all the time for the kids.”

“Wait, so you are  _ trying _ to make the connection stronger?” The leather of Theo’s gloves creaked as she gripped the side of the table, trying to control the spike of fear-laced anger. 

“Well, not stronger, but so that I can understand it better? So that it’s not just ‘huh, i wonder why my foot hurts’ but more of a ‘ah, my foot hurts because Luke stubbed his toe’ situation. So it’s more specific, more useful.”

Theo shook her head, not quite sure how to articulate how bad of an idea that was, how  _ dangerous _ that could be, especially because it was Luke she was connected to. “You  _ want _ this to get stronger?”

“I want to understand it better.” Nell sighed as her drumming fingers moved to scratching at her arm. “I guess it kind of got stronger anyway, though? So like, I know that was a needle stick, and I’m pretty sure this is heroin because that’s what he was on most recently, and this is about the right time for the jitters to be kicking in.”

“But, that’s not really- Nellie, if you’re feeling jitters from,” and Theo lowered her voice, they were in a fucking  _ cafe, _ “his heroin, that’s not just a response to physical pain‒ ”

“Yeah, but it’s all physiological to some extent, really. Heroin makes his body respond in a certain way, right? So yeah, my heart races, I get all flushed, and‒” Nell cuts herself off, glancing around. “I really should get some water for the dry mouth actually.”

Theo just blinked at her again, before latching onto something in the midst of this terrifying revelation, something that might actually slow Nell down long enough to think about the repercussions. “Have you told Luke how this affects you?”

Nell shifted a little, fingers dancing along the tabletop again.

“You haven’t, have you?” She stared at Nell, trying to beat back the protective rage bubbling up, but knowing she would fail. It was  _ Nellie _ , of course she couldn’t back down, couldn’t stop herself from trying to protect her at every turn, even from herself. “This might get him to  _ stop,  _ Nellie. He wouldn’t want to drag you down with him, and maybe this would at least get him to  _ try _ ‒”

“Look, Theo,” Nell cut her off, placing a hand on Theo’s gloved one. “We’re trying to keep him in rehab as much as we can, but there’s nothing you or I or Arthur can do about the fact that he is an  _ addict _ . Besides, the symptoms are really mild, and honestly not even that much of an issue.”

“Nellie. You just spilled your drink because he shot up. You’re gonna tell me this is a one time thing?” Theo knew she looked a little like Shirley in that moment, concerned and overbearing, but she pushed that thought aside, replacing it with the  _ absolutely justified _ concern. “Are you telling me he’s not going to get  _ you _ addicted along with him? You’re just going to keep living your life, trying to feel all the things that he feels?”

But Nell was right there, cutting her off again. “Listen. It’s not affecting my work, it’s not really affecting  _ me  _ that much, and….Aren’t we already doing all we can for Luke? Wouldn’t knowing this just hurt him more?” Nell stared back at Theo, determination in her eyes, shoulders set like she was ready for a fight. “I don’t know how to help him, except for letting him know that we love him, and getting him into rehab when he’ll stay, and….What else do you want me to do, Theo?”

“I  _ want _ you to stop trying to strengthen this shit. I can’t make you tell Arthur, but I still think you  _ should _ .” Theo dropped her head into her hands, trying to find a better answer, of something else that might protect Nell from being dragged down with Luke’s bad choices. “I can’t force you, but I can ask you.”

She could hear Nell’s sigh, and eventually, “okay. I’ll stop, Theo.” Theo looked up, seeing Nell’s tentative smile. “I just….I wanted to understand Luke better? But you’re probably right about it being dangerous. I’ll stop, Theo.”

Theo did her best to smile back, to swallow that fear back down. “Thank you,” she whispered, reaching out with a hand. “You know I love you, right Nellie?”

Nell swallowed and nodded, and Theo was so,  _ so _ glad that at least her baby sister was here and safe, life beating away under her hand, the ghost of all those emotions just a layer away. “Yeah,” Nell whispered, before swallowing and starting again. “Yeah, I know Theo. Thank you. I love you.”

Theo heaved a sigh of her own, letting go and sipping on her coffee again, casting around for a change of subject. Before she had the chance, Nell spoke again, so quiet now that it was hard to hear over the sounds of the cafe around them.

“Do you ever wish you were normal?” Nell was staring into her mug, and she looked so much older for a moment.

“Sometimes….” Theo shook her head, dismissing the memories of half formed dreams of shaking hands and hugging and touching someone else. “That's not real, Nellie, that's not something we get to have.  _ We _ are not normal, so there’s no point wishing for it.”

Nell shot her a confused look then, one that most people gave her when they found out Theo wouldn’t take her gloves off. “I thought‒ since you have to wear the gloves all the time, and‒”

“Nellie, these are so I can  _ function _ .” Because where the fuck did she get off asking about it, when she  _ knew _ how it was. Theo took a breath before continuing, trying to push away the niggling knowledge that even Nellie didn’t really understand Theo, didn’t understand her powers, or what it felt like to be overwhelmed by another person, to be touch-starved and  _ also _ knowing that the touch of another person would just send her into a panic spiral

“Do  _ you _ wish that you could be normal?” Theo took another breath, continuing, trying to put herself in Nell’s shoes. “Your stuff sounds fucking overwhelming to me.” Theo shuddered, hands raising automatically to ward off any potential touch. “Feeling anytime he gets high, or breaks a bone, or has sex. That sounds so invasive, it sounds like too much feeling for one person to hold.”

“It’s not like that, Theo, not for me. It feels like….like getting a big hug. Warm, and reassuring, and like I know he’s okay.” Nell looked down again. “I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. It sometimes feels like if you could just figure out how to live with your power better‒” Nell clapped a hand over her own mouth, eyes widening, but Theo just smiled the toothy grin she kept away from anyone but her fucking family.

“Sure, Nell, go on. Tell me all about how I’m failing my family because I haven’t taken the time to understand my gifts, or whatever.” Her mounting fear and anger finally had an outlet, and though she didn’t want to hurt Nell, Theo couldn’t keep the tenseness out of her voice, couldn’t stop the biting words. “It’ll be a great counterpoint to Sherl’s argument that I’m lost in the clouds by admitting that my powers exist at all.” Nell just shook her head, eyes still wide.  _ I don’t need this. _ Theo pushed away from the table, standing up. “You know what Nellie, that’s just fucking fine. Have fun with your‒”

“No, wait, Theo, I‒” Nell reached out, stopping just shy of touching the bare skin above Theo’s gloves. 

“What? You didn’t mean it?” She was pissed, knew that Nell didn’t deserve that much anger and resentment, but Theo felt like she had been treading a fine line this entire conversation and just couldn’t stand it anymore.

“I’m sorry, Theo. I know it’s different for you, I’m so sorry.”

Theo glared down for another moment, but something inside her finally broke. She sighed, feeling the anger finally ebb away at Nell’s apology. She hated herself a little bit, for letting one half-spoken apology smooth over those ruffled feathers, but Theo did her best to ignore that thought and sat back down. “Alright, Nell. Alright.”

“I’m sorry, Theo, I wasn’t thinking. Of  _ course _ it’s different for you, and‒”

“It’s fine, Nell.” Theo sighed, pushing a stray strand of hair out of her eyes. It wasn’t Nell’s fault that she didn’t get it; almost no one did, not really. How could you explain this extra sense that dialed everything up to eleven, making it so overwhelming that you sometimes couldn’t help but cry at another’s pain? “Our stuff is just different, that’s all.”

“Yeah,” Nell sighed, leaning back in her chair. “I’m sorry you don’t have anyone who knows exactly what that feels like.”

“No, no.” Theo shook her head, imagining if  _ anyone _ were able to do what she did. “I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.”

Nell just nodded solemnly at that, and they sat in silence for a while. As her anger drained away, Theo stared at her baby sister. It wasn’t so long ago that she would’ve just stomped away from the table without a second thought, and if it was Shirley making the same comments, they would have had a screaming match over it. 

But…

But sometimes Nell just reminded her too much of the vague memories she had of their mom, besides the fact that Theo wasn’t sure it was  _ possible  _ for Nell to actually mean to hurt anyone. And probably, if this had happened another day, Theo  _ would _ have gotten up and left, or yelled more, or at least held Nell to the point a little harder.

But yesterday had been another case where there had been a kid she couldn’t save. The culprit was caught, but before Theo could  _ fix  _ things, a little girl had died. And her older sister had blamed Theo for telling her everything would be alright.

And maybe that wasn’t a fair thing to bring into this conversation, but she loved Nell.

So what was the harm, really? 

Theo reached across the table, picking up Nell's hand again. "I love you Nellie."

And it kind of hurt to say that right at this moment when Nell clearly didn't understand Theo as much as she wanted to be understood….but seeing that smile peek out of Nell's face, seeing the unshed tears disappear as Nell squeezed her hand back, that was worth it.

"So," Theo started again, "what's Arthur up to?"

The smile went from tentative to beaming as Nell launched into an explanation of the things shifting at his job, and the new hobby he had picked up, and Theo nodded along.

It would pass, and tomorrow they'd snap at each other again probably, but for today ...today it was good and peaceful and normal.


End file.
